First of all I would like to introduce you to my recent piece "Bird Spirit." I'm exploring with different things lately and this is one of those results. I hope I captured his essence and I hope you can see mine as well. It is about nothing and everything, solitude and what we carry around with us, the things that are not visible…
Secondly I want to write a bit more about the subject of depression, just to say some things that were left out last monday...
I haven't had depression for the past 15 or 16 years, in fact my husband doesn't know that part of me. He does know my moody self rather well though. But even if I haven't felt depression lately, I did feel it for many years. So what I meant on monday is that I felt it was creeping back at me. My last pregnancy left me with a hormonal imbalance and lately my downs have been really down - like down there on the minus 10th floor or something. It doesn't mean I am depressed, … I don't think it is something I should feel ashamed of now, but I did many years ago. It was mostly how people made me feel -on top of what I was already feeling. Some people said to me, among many other things; that depression is a joke, that we are just unhappy and ungrateful people, that it is all in our heads… Guess what? Yes, it is all in our heads - a chemical imbalance - that most of the times need to be treated with medicine…
Depression doesn't go away because you stop listening to sad music, or exercise daily, pray to God and every saint there is, change the way you dress, read the right books, surround yourself with flowers and nature… It doesn't work like that. Just like explaining what depression is to a person who has never felt it - you simply can't. I doesn't go away because you wish it so… and the harder you fight it, the stronger it clings on to you.
I've had feelings of sadness, melancholy, frustration, failure, abandonment, you name it, I've felt it, haven't we all? - but those feelings are not depression… I can't explain what depression is, because I only know my depression, no one else's, and we are all different.
I only hope that if you are suffering from this illness you go out there and find help in any way you can.
I suffered in silence for many years until I could no longer do it. In my experience there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it also takes a looong time to find it, and once you find it - it doesn't necessarily mean it will be a constant, and bright light all the time. Life is never the same. It is filled with many ups and downs and beautiful and ugly moments along the way.
Here are a Few Things I'm enjoying at the moment:
- the view from my desk.
- this photographer's landscapes which I find stunning.
-I relish this newsletter every week, it is a joy to receive. I can't recommend it enough.
-And this work for some reason is giving me the strength to keep going on with mine. I've always been in awe of her work, but lately even more.
I hope all is well at your end, and that you have a beautiful yellow tree to look at,
Giova
Me gusta "ese espiritu azul" de ese pajarito........ muy probablemente en algun momento de la vida, se nos quiebran "las alas". Pero nuestros propositos. Nuestro agradecimiento. Tienen un "alto vuelo"..... Esa es la vida. Esa es la inspiracion del "espiritu del pajarito azul".......
ReplyDeleteasi es, con alas quebradas y todo, sigue, no le toca mas...
DeleteBeautiful post6 my dear! As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety … I can so recognize the challenges you speak of! Big kudos to you darling … for speaking honestly about the subject! Sending big hugs your way! xox
ReplyDeleteBravo, Giova. It takes courage to speak so honestly, but mental health does need talking about, not hiding from. You may like a blog written by someone I met recently. She is taking the same stand and it has led to Stephen Fry tweeting about her blog and other good things coming from it. http://www.bubakes.co.uk/blog
DeleteI hope you get the help you need to make this time manageable and that there are brighter times ahead x
Thank you Tamera for your kind words. I hope it touches on the fact that most of us struggle with something, but we don't need to do it alone :) All the best to you!
DeleteThank you so much Sandie. I am getting the help I need, fortunately for me, I learned to not hide but confront, and I have various "tools" that come out when needed ;)
DeleteAnd thank you for the link, it is a wonderful blog!
Well written Giova, and I like the idea of the thread telling a story! x
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Heather. I'm learning the process between thread and story, and I'm enjoying it quite a lot!
DeleteThe wings on your spirit bird are gorgeous. We all need to tell our stories. Suffering in silence benefits no one. It takes courage however but when we share our stories it opens up opportunities for others to feel safe to do the same. Blessings to you & kuddos for knowing when you need your box of tools. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Julia! I recently read that; "you have to tell your story and you have to forget your story. You forget and forgive, it liberates you." That is my aim, hopefully I'll reach it when I get to 100 ;)
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